He Moves Mountains

I will never forget November 6, 2023. It was a night of brokenness as I cried out to the Lord.

Sarah had hit such a rough time in her behaviors last fall, but that night was the worst. I prayed for encouragement. I prayed for mountains to move…

Praise #1 – The next morning David called Sarah’s autism doctor’s office to see if we can get in to seek help for her crying. This doctor is usually booked out 6 months in advance, but she had an opening the following week. That never happens! She heard our concerns and prescribed a drug to help with Sarah’s outbursts.  Sarah can go from crying loudly to laughing within a few seconds, but her crying doesn’t mean she is upset. She can be crying while doing things she loves to do. The doctor’s office suspects Sarah has a neurological disorder that causes her not to be able to regulate her emotions. This drug is what they prescribe for this disorder.

Praise #2 – This drug has been a game changer! From non-stop crying/screaming, we have gone to 20 minutes maximum (usually much less!) of crying. She is dramatically different! We have our Sarah back!

That week in November, I also called the group home* that we are wanting for Sarah. When we asked to be on their waitlist in 2019, we were told the waitlist is usually 10 years. I called just to see where we were at on the list. I was looking for encouragement that maybe it would be sooner.

My heart sank when I was told it was still at least another 10 years. I thanked them, but hung up the phone so discouraged.  

David and I decided in the meantime to look at other options as Sarah will age out of her life skills training through the school system in 2 years and we need to find options for her.

Praise #3 – January 2024, my phone rang, but I didn’t recognize the number. Thinking it was a client, I answered it. (When Sarah went back to in-person school after COVID, I went to work for David’s division at his company.) I was shocked when it was the group home calling us to tell us there was a space for Sarah! Honestly, I asked her name 4 times!! I just couldn’t believe it!  

It is a miracle!  What we thought would be 10 years happened in little over 2 months!

Our next step was for us to visit the group home. We planned our visit for the following week.

When Sarah came home from school on the day were going to visit, I told her our plans.

“Sarah, we are going to look at an apartment for you. Your brother and sister-in-law have an apartment, your sister has an apartment, and your younger brother has an apartment. We think we should look at an apartment for you. Do you want to look at one?”

Sarah stared at me intently.

“Yes” she whispered under her breath. She put on her coat and walked outside and climbed into the truck.

Praise #4 – For the entire trip Sarah was great! She was content playing on her iPad and was genuinely excited to go on this road trip. We toured the facility and it would be perfect for her! Sarah would need be accepted by the group home, but they told us we could move forward in the process.

Praise #5 – The next step was gathering paperwork. The group home will be taking over Sarah’s care, so they need all medical and educational documents on her. It was a major undertaking! Sarah has seen so many specialists throughout her life, but two months later everything was turned in. What a praise!

Praise #6 – Yesterday, we went for the interview with the group home. Sarah this time was not as happy and began crying. I asked for prayer from friends and she stopped within a few minutes of me asking for prayer! She was great again for the entire trip! What a praise!

These past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions. We want this so desperately for her, but I was preparing my heart that if it was a no, we will trust the Lord.

We drove there with such peace! We knew people were praying because we were so calm.

The interview went well as we shared about Sarah and her care. We left in complete peace knowing that the Lord was in control.

Praise #7 – On our way home, we got the call that Sarah is accepted and her move in date is in a few weeks!

Only the Lord can move mountains like this! 10 years to 5 months?!? This is unbelievable! I am in such a state of shock!

I have been studying the book of Exodus and focusing on chapters 1-18. When we think of the book of Exodus, we think of God freeing the Israelites from slavery and parting the Red Sea, but my Bible study has shown me that there were multiple instances of God’s deliverance in these chapters. Each week the study has been showing me different instances of God delivering Moses and/or the Israelites. It has been such an encouragement to me to see His faithfulness…not just with the Israelites, but with us on this Sarah journey.

One of my favorite verses as a mom is Isaiah 40:11:

“He tends his flock like a shepherd:

He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart;

He gently leads those that have young.”

He has held us close to His heart and has gently lead us for all these years…

How grateful we are that He still parts seas and moves mountains!

Thank you for all the love and prayers for all these years on this autism journey!

With grateful hearts,

David and Jill

*We are not sharing the group home’s name/location due to Sarah’s privacy and protection. Thank you for your understanding!

“Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth

by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.”

Jeremiah 32:17

Fashionista Sarah

August. Year after year the longest month in the Gregory household. Certain months just seem to fly by with activities and schedules. May, December-blurs of time. August? It is a painful drag.

When August rolls around, Sarah’s schooling is done until the fall. Sarah attends summer school in July for half days, 3 days a week. The purpose is so she won’t lose ground on her speech and other educational goals. She loves it! She would run to the bus each morning for a morning of structure and fun. Did I mention that each day ended with ice cream? I was told that was her favorite part of the day.

Now she is home. When Sarah gets bored, she gets destructive. We pull out crafts, watch Barbie videos and horse TV shows, but through it all, a favorite activity of Sarah’s is her multiple outfit changes.

Our little fashionista comes downstairs wearing a dress, with pants underneath and a shirt and cardigan or jacket over it. Did I mention this is August? After she spends an hour appreciating her outfit choice, she runs back upstairs only to return downstairs wearing leggings and a shirt two sizes too small. Later she emerges from her room wearing pjs. Usually, a wig is also worn to complete the look. This all can happen before noon.

If you think Sarah will wear these outfits again, you are surely mistaken. If I put them back in drawers or hang them back up, Sarah finds them and puts them in the hamper to be washed. I can take them out of the hamper and try again, but it is no use. There is no fooling Sarah!

We end up doing a lot of loads of wash in August!

I can laugh at it; I can get frustrated by it. There are days that it doesn’t affect me and days it really pushes my buttons.  

Do you have people like that in your life? There are things they do that just bother you?

This summer at church we have been studying the book of Colossians and I have been reading it over and over again. In Colossians 3 it speaks about removing things and putting on things.

A lot like Sarah and her clothing!

Colossians 3:5-9 speaks of getting rid of anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language, and lying.  The things that belong to my earthly nature.

These are the thoughts and actions that I do in my frustration. They are heavy, they clash with my spirit, and let’s face it, they are downright ugly.

But in Colossians 3:12-14 it speaks about what I should put on instead.

Compassion. Kindness. Humility. Gentleness. Patience. Forgiveness.

I am trying something new this August. Each morning I am mentally ‘getting dressed’ with each of these qualities and imagining my response.

If I put on compassion, true heartfelt compassion, as if I was putting on a shirt, what would my response to Sarah look like?

If I clothe myself with kindness or mentally think of putting on patience what would my words and actions be?

I love the last part, in Colossians 3:14 it states to put over all these things love that binds them all together.

Like every good outfit, the finishing touch is the accessories. Love is the coat that pulls the ensemble together.

My love for Sarah covers it all.

Doing this exercise has been convicting and eye opening.

It has been the mental image I have needed this past month.

It also hit me…this is how Jesus responds to me.

I have given Him every right to be frustrated or annoyed by my actions. Sarah has severe autism, I do not. Instead, He is the perfect example of all these things. He has great compassion, His loving-kindness knows no end, He is so gentle and patient with me. He forgives, restores, and loves me.

It is as if He is giving me His compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love as clothing to wear as my own.

“Here Jill. I know what today holds, so I am giving you this to wear so you are ready….”

The best part? It always fits and goes with everything!

It looks like there are two fashionistas in the house!

Colossians 3:12-14, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

30 Seconds

I pulled out my phone and opened the stopwatch feature.

I took a breath and said, “Where did you go to work today for school?”

(Sarah works at different stores in the community to learn job skills. This is a typical question I ask her each day.)

I started the stopwatch and waited…

5 seconds of silence seemed awkward.

10 seconds of silence was painful.

15 seconds of silence passed, and I thought I would have been sure she did not understand or heard me and would have asked again.

By 25 seconds I would have surely repeated myself, maybe even a couple of times.

The stopwatch finally hit 30 seconds and I stopped it.

“Whoa.”

I read again her teacher’s observation and a flood of emotion hit me.

“Sarah needs staff assistance, including visual prompts, to help with comprehension of the task at hand. She requires patience from those working with her, to allow time to process information in order to respond to questions or directions. Often, she will process for 30+ seconds before responding. It is important to refrain from repeating instructions or questions. This seems to reset her processing cycle and prolong the response time.”

We have always known that Sarah struggles with processing information and has a delayed response time, but 30+ seconds seems like an eternity when waiting for a response.

I have been guilty of not being patient in waiting for a response and ask the question again…and again.

Someone once told me that the autistic brain doesn’t sort information as efficiently as others. When asked, “Where did you go to work today for school?”, my brain would go immediately to the place I worked at. For Sarah, she might be sorting the question and determining if I am asking about school, what she did, who was at school, etc. She must rule out what I am not asking, and that could take her longer to respond.

By asking her the question again, I restart her sorting process.

I know better….

Many years ago, I spoke about Autism Awareness to third grade students at a local elementary school. The program was called “Everybody Counts” and it was a great teaching tool for kids to understand and accept children with disabilities.

I shared about Sarah’s delayed process time. I asked the students, “How would you get to the school office from this room? Please give me step by step instructions.”

One boy’s hand quickly shot up. I called on him and he told me to turn right out the door, down the hall, turn left, and the office was at the end of the hall on the left.

I thanked him and said, “Your brain thought of the quickest path to get to the office.”

“For my Sarah, her brain might have told her to turn left out the door, down the hall, out the exit doors, turn right to go around the front of the building, turn right to go through the front entrance door, and then turned right into the school office.”

The class giggled.

“Did she get to the school office?”

“Yes”, the entire class responded.

“Yes, she did. It just took her longer, but she got there! While that is not a real scenario, it reminds us that we need to show patience to kids like Sarah. Her brain might take a longer route to process things, but she can get there if we show her patience.”

My own words convict me years later!

Reading Sarah’s teacher’s observation was a great reminder to me to show patience, not just with her, but to everyone. I am spoiled by living in a fast-paced world where everything is available and can be delivered instantaneously. Giving others patience goes against our society.

As hard as it can be for me, showing patience is what I am called to do.

“…be patient with everyone.” (I Thessalonians 5:14b)

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience…” (Proverbs 19:11)

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22)

I am so grateful that I have the perfect example to model after! How grateful I am that the Lord is so patience with me!

No matter how many times I confess to Him I have messed up, He forgives and restores. He is gracious, loving, and so very patient with me!

May I be more like Him! May I reflect His patience and wait for Sarah’s response when every ounce in my being wants to speed her up.

It may take 30 seconds…but I know it is one of the greatest ways to show love to her; to show I care enough to wait.

It will be 30 seconds well spent.  

“But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” (Psalm 86:15)

“Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:23)

My 22 cents

I was working at my dining room table when Sarah came down the stairs and stood in the living room. I could tell she was anxious. She looked at me and shouted, “Amazon! Samantha! Store!”

I looked up from my computer and said, “Oh…okay.” I was wondering what she was trying to say. She loves American Girl dolls and maybe she wanted to look on Amazon for some Samantha toy?

Sarah immediately walked briskly to the door to the garage, opened it, and hit the garage door button. She likes to throw things into the recycling bin, so it took me a second to realize she had opened the garage door. I jumped up from my chair and went after her. By the time I got to the back door, Sarah was walking out of the garage.

I caught up to her at the sidewalk.

“Hey there, let’s go back inside.” I tried to coax her to turn around.

“NO! NO! NO!” Sarah yelled, pushing me away. She stomped down the sidewalk.

I caught up to her again and held her hand. This is when I realized I was bare foot, and I left my cell phone next to my computer on the table. I had no way to call for help.

“Honey, do you want to take a bath?” (Thinking of something she would love to do.)

Sarah continued to walk forcefully.

Seeing a fire hydrant ahead I told her, “Let’s walk to the fire hydrant.”  

When we got to the fire hydrant, I made her stop. “Oh! We left the garage door open, poor Samson (our dog) must be so worried about us!! We don’t want him to get out. Let’s go back.”

Sarah had a look in her eye that was determined. “NOOOOOOO!” she yelled, she pushed me away and she continued to walk.

I caught up to her again and put my arm around her waist. I saw the next fire hydrant up ahead and I tried again to see if I could get her to turnaround. No. She continued to push me away and walk ahead.

I then decided to let her continue to walk. I would walk her around the block and make a circle back to our house.

When we came to the street to make the turn back to our home, Sarah refused to turn. She yelled, “NO!” and ran across the street.

I caught up to her and I started to panic. Nothing was working. I kept praying short prayers of “Lord! Help me! Lord!! HELP!”

The next road was a major road outside our subdivision. I needed to stop her! I stood in front of her and clasped both of her hands and started to push her back.

“Sarah, it’s time for us to go back home. Let’s go take a bath.”

Sarah became very agitated and screamed, “NOOOOOOO!” and ran into the street. Thankfully, my neighbor had just driven by, but no other cars were around.

My neighbor saw what was happening, stopped, and turned around. She pulled up next to us in the street.

“Hey Sarah! Do you want a ride home?”

I was just thinking about how difficult it was going to be to get her back home as we were quite some distance from the house.

Sarah looked at her and climbed in the car. I hopped in the back seat.

I thanked my neighbor repeatedly and told her she was an answer to prayer. When we pulled into our driveway there was our dog anxiously waiting by the house door that was wide open.

“Hey Sarah, let’s take that bath.” Sarah walked into the house and headed upstairs. I filled it with some Epsom salts and lavender oil and when she was done, she very mellow and happy. I had my Sarah back.

David came home later that night from a business trip. I told him I was so shook up by this. I shudder to think what would have happened if my neighbor didn’t come.

I gave my all, but it wasn’t enough. How grateful I am that the Lord sent my neighbor to help me!

It reminds me of a time when we went out to dinner with my extended family. One of my twin nephews, who was no more than 4 years old at the time, announced he wanted to buy dinner for the whole family with his money. He brought all the money he had in the world.

It was 22 cents.

He proudly gave it all to the server and we all thanked him for his generosity. He beamed with pride!

Little did he know that the fathers each slipped away during the meal to pay for the remaining portions of the bill.

As I drove past that restaurant, the memory flooded back to me.

I told the Lord as I thought about Sarah, “It’s like I am giving my 22 cents, Lord. All I have, but I feel like it’s not enough.”

Then I smiled as I thought, “But my Heavenly Father goes behind the scenes and takes care of the rest!”

Thank you for praying for us on this journey! We are so grateful!

“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” Phil. 4:19

What a Wonderful Gift!

This school year Sarah has been working in the community food pantry and clothing bank.

Sarah has been doing very well following instructions. She puts cans on the shelf for the local food pantry and is a hard worker. If she picks her nose, they stop her and have her wash her hands. If she can go 7 minutes without picking her nose, she gets a token. If she gets 5 tokens, she can do something she likes to do (color or computer time). Overall, she is doing very well, except…..

One day in the clothing bank, a girl’s youth size pink sweater with a horse on it came in. It was very distinctive and stood out amongst the clothes they were folding. The little girl sweater was put on the table to be available for the community and the class left the clothing room and returned to their classroom.

Later that day, the teacher was teaching up front and he looked at Sarah. He did a double take because Sarah was wearing a very tight, way too small, pink sweater over her clothes. As he looked, he saw that it had a horse on it.

“Sarah, that is not your shirt.” He said trying not to laugh.

Sarah refused to make eye contact and pretended she didn’t hear him.

“Sarah, you need to put that back.”

With that Sarah got up from her desk, huffed, and stomped out of the classroom to return the sweater to the clothing bank. Such the drama girl!

He told us that if it was in her size, he would have let her keep it. He recently let her keep a stuffed horse doll that came into the clothing bank because he knew how much she wanted it. She was thrilled!

What a wonderful gift!

David and I experienced a wonderful gift recently. On our way to pick up Jack for Thanksgiving break a few weeks ago, we stayed overnight in Blacksburg, VA. David loves to visit university football stadiums. Blacksburg, VA is home to Virginia Tech and David wanted to see if we could see the stadium. We got to Blacksburg too late the night before, so early the next morning before we drove the last stretch to get Jack, we drove to the campus. As we drove around the football stadium, heavy chains were over each of the gates.

It wasn’t looking good.

“Let’s go to the main office and see.”

As we got out and walked to the main office the doors were locked. We were there too early. As we walked back to our car, I prayed and asked the Lord if there was any way we could get in. I knew how much it meant to David. Just then a car pulled in.

David looked at me, “Should I ask this guy about letting us in?”

“Yes! Why not?” (Thinking to myself this is exactly what I prayed for!)

David approached the man and asked.

“Sure! Follow me!”

With that, he gave us a tour of the stadium. We got to walk on the field and go into the team tunnel. As we were walking out, I jumped and touched the Hokie stone like I was a player! 😊

We thanked the man and found out that he graduated from Liberty (Jack’s school).

He said, “Happy to show you. It’s funny. I’m normally not here this early. I woke up early this morning, so I just decided to come into work.”

When we got back into the car, I looked at David and said, “Isn’t it amazing that the God of the universe is our Father and cares for us? He made that happen for you.” David smiled and nodded his head.

What a wonderful gift!

This past year, I have been studying the book of Genesis. What amazes me is the moment sin entered the world in Genesis 3, the Lord set in motion our redemption and salvation in the same chapter. Jesus was promised the moment we were lost to offer hope and salvation. At Christmas we celebrate His arrival, the fulfilment of God’s promise! I am in awe!

Jesus! What a wonderful, amazing, and BEST gift!

Merry Christmas! Thank you for your faithful prayers for our girl!

“Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!” 2 Corinthians 9:15

In the Darkest of Times, God is at Work

“Nose picking will limit job opportunities.”

No truer words spoken my friends!

I can see it now on a t-shirt or a bumper sticker…

As I met with Sarah’s teacher and specialists, we were sharing our frustration of Sarah’s nose picking and how that limits her work. Can she work in food prep? Nope. Gross! Stock shelves in the school store? Bag groceries? She can’t if she picks her nose and then touches things. Wash dishes? Laundry service? She can’t touch clean dishes or clothes if her fingers have been in her nose.

We were brainstorming ideas and we determined that she could vacuum a room (custodial) if they sterilize the vacuum handle afterwards. It was something, but the fact remained that we needed to stop this behavior to give her more work opportunities.

Her Autism program is amazing! This past year I have seen firsthand since I was with her for her online learning for most of the school year. All day I saw these amazing teachers pour into these students to help them learn skills to obtain jobs and live as independently as they can when the student turns 26. These teachers are taking these years from age 18 to age 26 to prepare them for the rest of their lives.

God does the same thing with us.

This past spring, I was studying the book of Genesis in my Bible study. I saw with fresh eyes how God was at work and preparing Joseph during his darkest of days. Joseph was sold into slavery at age 17 and taken to Egypt. He was working at a home of a government official and soon was promoted as the head of the household. Later, though he was innocent, his owner threw him into prison. Yet again, God was with him, and he rose to position of leadership inside the jail. Then at age 30, 13 years after coming to Egypt, he was released from prison and made second in command of the entire nation, second only to Pharoah. Wow!

There were moments, though, in Joseph’s story that were very dark and depressing. There was a chance for him to get out of prison, but he was soon forgotten and left there. I can only imagine how he must of have felt in that awful place, wondering what God was doing…but God was at work!

I realized that God used these dark times of waiting for Joseph:

• To become fluent in a foreign language. He learned and was so fluent in it that when he saw his brothers 20 years later, they had no idea who he was (Genesis 42:8). He needed to be fluent to lead a nation. God prepared him in those 20 years.
• To learn how to manage businesses and people. His time of running a household, then a prison, God used to prepare him to lead a nation (and the area nations) through the worst famine ever known.
• To learn the culture. His time of waiting taught him the nuances of Egyptian culture, so he knew how to look before Pharaoh and their eating customs (Genesis 41:14, Genesis 43:32). This is the one that I never realized before….When the Israelites came to Egypt to live, Joseph protected them by telling his brothers to say they were shepherds. Joseph knew the Egyptian culture detested shepherds, so they could be left alone and could live in peace in Goshen (Genesis 46:34).

The Israelites’ faith, identity, and culture remained intact while living in a foreign polytheistic country because of Joseph and what he learned during his darkest times. There was no intermarriage, no becoming absorbed into Egyptian culture while they were there. God was with and prepared Joseph in all those years of waiting to protect Israel from the famine and allow them to grow as a nation in safety.

To be honest, we are tired of dealing with the nose picking (and other OCD issues-see Prayer Requests). It’s a daily battle and we lose, but I’m encouraged by Joseph’s example. While we can get discouraged and frustrated, we know and walk in faith that God is preparing Sarah (and us) for what lies ahead. Even in the darkest of times, we know He is at work! God wastes nothing and can use all things for His glory!

I look forward to the day of seeing what God has planned for Sarah!

Bless and thank you for your ongoing prayers for her! We are so deeply grateful!!

“But Joseph said to them…you (his brothers) intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Perspective

One of Sarah’s classmates put this note in her school bag today:

As I pulled out her papers from the day, I found it.

I didn’t have a very mature reaction.

‘Jerky kid.” I muttered under my breath.

Then tears came as I looked up to the Lord in frustration. “Oh Lord, please!”

We have been trying so hard to stop this behavior!

I took a picture of the note and sent it to the teacher. I found myself pacing around the house as I tried to gather my thoughts. Sarah saw the note, but I don’t think she understood it.

I looked at the note again and again. As I began to cool down, I tried to find humor in it.

First, this student has great handwriting. Impressive! The student also said ‘please’…

‘Points off for misspelling ‘nose’….’ I thought chuckling to myself.

I reminded myself this is a special needs student fighting their own issues with Autism.

Perspective, Jill, perspective.

The teacher wrote an extremely sweet and supportive email back. She will handle it. She said Sarah is overall improving. She struggles the most in the mornings, but afternoons are better. She said to please tell Sarah she can’t wait to see her tomorrow.

I am so thankful for her teacher and aides!

Sarah’s doctor told us that one of her OCD meds had a side effect of nose picking so we have been slowly weaning her off it. It is just going to take time and hopefully we can break this behavior.

Here is the thing: This is something I can’t control. I have an almost 21-year-old adult autistic child who is taller than me by over 3 inches. (I live amongst giants.) We have tried various things and if she wants to pick her nose, she will. I am out of my league.

I can’t control.

Isn’t that a thought we have all felt this year in some way or fashion?

It is a frustrating and helpless feeling.

*******

David and I just came back from a trip to Texas. We had the airline and hotel points to cover the entire trip and we were looking for a warm place. It is such a blessing for my parents to watch Sarah for us. It is such a gift!

We spent a few days in Corpus Christi and watched the waves come crashing in on the evening tide off Mustang Island. The Gulf of Mexico is massive and the waves became more and more powerful as we stood on the bank of the beach.

I was in awe. I looked at David and said, “Isn’t it amazing that God holds this body of water (and all water) in the hollow of His hand?” (Isaiah 40:12) Wow.

I felt small. I can’t stop the waves from crashing in. I can barely hold a cup of the sea water in my hand. I am out of my league. Yet, He holds all of it in His hand!

Instead of frustration and helplessness of my lack of control, I had an overwhelming peace and gratitude of His power and sovereignty.

The same God that holds all the water in His hand is the same God who knows our struggles with our nose picking girl. I might not be in control, but He is! And that is a much better thing.

Perspective, Jill, perspective.

“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with a span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance?” Isaiah 40:12 (ESV)

Resistance Training

Yesterday Sarah wanted to end 2020 with pizzazz.

It started with her not sleeping AT ALL the night of the 30^th/morning of the 31^st. For several hours she cried and wailed. Trying to console her did nothing, in fact, it made her mad and she screamed louder. I gave up trying. Then about 3am she changed to giggling and shouting out words that sounded like gibberish. Needless to say, we also did not sleep at all the night of the 30^th/morning of the 31^st!

Later that morning she found a box of Mike & Ike candy that one of the kids brought home. I am unsure how much she ate, but it was enough to make her sick. Sadly, she threw up the Mike & Ike candies on the floor in front of the toilet (so close and yet so very far!) in the downstairs bathroom. Kendall, bless her, took her upstairs to wash her and I cleaned/disinfected the floor and wall and washed the bathroom mat that was hit hard. So gross!

In the afternoon Sarah was in the kitchen and I heard her in the cabinet. When I looked at what she had grabbed, she had pulled out the NyQuil and had poured some in the cup provided and drank it. YIKES! I locked up the NyQuil in the fishing tackle box that we keep our other meds locked up in. I was worried that she would sleep during the day (and be up the entire night again), but it had no effect on her. She never slowed down for the entire day.

I, on the other hand, was on fumes. Already exhausted from the lack of sleep, dealing with throw up and this med scare, I was ready for the day (and year!) to end.

Yet, while it has been a day and year for the books, David and I spend time reminding each other of all the good things that God has done this past year last night. Over and over again, we saw the Lord’s protection and provision. In regards with Sarah, I am grateful that I was able to stay home with her this past year helping her with on-line school. I have gotten to know her teachers and I have such a deep appreciation and admiration for them!!

This morning I was reading about the importance of resistance training when it comes to our spiritual walk. Jonathan Cahn says, “God calls each of us to grow … to grow in faith, in righteousness, in love, in joy, in hope, patience, peace, perseverance … in godliness … When you exercise the qualities of God against resistance, it causes you to grow stronger … When it’s hardest to love, and you love regardless, your love grows stronger. When your circumstances are not conducive to joy, but you rejoice anyway, your joy increases … so don’t despise the resistance, but give thanks for it.” (The Book of Mysteries, Day 212)

I chuckled to myself that God keeps giving me opportunities for resistance training in patience! Yet, it is not my patience, but Christ’s patience in me. It is not my joy, but Christ’s. Resistance training, the hard and challenging days that make me question my existence, allows me to experience His presence in me and let it grow; to become more like Him!

What an interesting thought! These tough days, these days that I feel might break me, are really opportunities to stretch my spiritual muscles to grow stronger and more like Him!

With Christ, I think I am ready to face 2021!

“…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:3-5

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” James 1:2-3

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

Obedience School

“Obedience is the compass that guides you in the path God has ordained for you.”  – Abundant Living

I have never seen Sarah jump out of the bed so fast before!

Usually getting Sarah out of bed on school days is a multi-step process that can take several minutes of gentle wake-up calls to finally pulling back the covers and helping her get up. Sarah struggles to fall and stay asleep, but she equally struggles getting up in the morning. If I walk out of the room, she will climb back in bed.

But this morning it was different.

Kendall a few months ago bought temporary burgundy hair color to do with Sarah but they never had a chance to do it. Sarah found the box earlier this week and kept trying to use it on herself. I would grab it and say, “Oh! I think Kendall wants to do this with you.” I would then put it away, but only to have Sarah find it again. Later, I found Sarah watching Youtube videos of ladies dyeing their hair. YIKES!!

I said to David, “We can’t wait for the next time Kendall is home from school. Sarah really wants to do this. I’ll dye her hair tomorrow morning.”

The next morning I opened Sarah’s door and said, “Hey! Do you want to dye your hair this morning?”

I went back to my bedroom to find a pair of scissors I hide from Sarah (as you know, she has had issues of cutting her hair off so we hide all the scissors.) I thought when I dyed her hair, I could trim up her bangs. I walked only a few steps into my room and Sarah was right behind me. I have never seen her get up so fast!! I distracted her so I could pull out the scissors from my dresser drawer without her noticing it.

Sarah was so obedient. I read the hair dye instructions and it said she needed freshly washed towel dried hair. Sarah climbed in the shower and I washed her. When she got out she grabbed her towel and began rubbing her hair with it to dry it. She has never done that before!  I put an old paint shirt of mine on her and she sat on the floor as I stood over her and dyed her hair. She then sat on the bedroom floor for the next 30 minutes as it processed. I have never seen her just sit there for that long for anything! She really wanted this!!

Here is the final product (I opened the front door to get some natural light on it.):

She is BEYOND pleased!

I was so impressed with her obedience! I know it is because she really wanted it, but I think it stood out to me so much because I am struggling with obedience right now.

As you know, many schools are meeting on-line due to COVID-19, including Sarah’s school. We have done on-line school since March and it has been rough at times. Sarah struggles with the video calls and making eye contact with the class. During summer school, we would get through the morning video call with the teacher and she would then go and cry in her room for the next 15 to 20 minutes. Later, she would come down and we could get chunks of work done in between times of crying and meltdowns. I made the call that no matter what we would be done with her summer school schoolwork by 2pm. It wasn’t worth the fight! Summer school is supposed to be a bridge to help her maintain her learning, not to make her miserable.

On Wednesday, the teacher wrote that it looks like we will have up to six video calls every day (basically on the hour) followed by homework based on the call from 8:15am-3:15pm, Monday through Friday.

My heart sank. Six video calls a day, every weekday? I am speechless about this. From March – June, they had video calls a few days a week, Summer school was three days a week and she struggled with both. Now we will have 30 video calls a week! I must be there with Sarah as she doesn’t want to sit and listen. It is not easy.

I feel so selfish about this because I am dreading this. It is going to be exceptionally long days of meltdowns with no break. We will be trying to get the homework done during the hour, so we are ready for the next video call the next hour. For the time being, this will be my life.

Yet, God has called me to do this. How come obedience can be such a struggle sometimes? Pricilla Shirer says that obedience is God’s love language and we can show our love to God by obeying Him.

I want to be like Sarah who jumped out of bed and quickly obeyed all she had to do because she was excited to obey. Or like Samuel in I Samuel 3. Three times (three times!) Samuel thought the priest Eli was calling him and he jumped up to go to him. The first time, I can see me jumping up. Second time, maybe. But the third time?? I would be laying in my bed debating, truly deep-down debating, about getting up. Or, maybe waiting to hear being called a fourth time before I got up. Not Samuel! Each time, he jumped up to obey.

I want to be like that!

I began this blog with this quote:

“Obedience is the compass that guides you in the path God has ordained for you.”  – Abundant Living

God is directing my steps. (Proverbs 20:24 and Jeremiah 10:23) I want my obedience to be the compass to guide me to whatever and wherever the Lord is leading me to do. For now, the Lord is leading me to start off this school year learning obedience by helping Sarah with school. Hi, I’m Jill and I am in Obedience school. 😊

Looks like Sarah and I will both be learning from home. ❤

“Be obedient (to God), even if you don’t know where obedience might take you.”- Sinclair Ferguson

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands.” 2 John 6a

Change My Plans

“OH NO! You pottied in your bed!”, Sarah yelled loudly from her room.

It was almost midnight and we were just finishing watching a movie as a family.

I looked at Kendall and said, “Would you mind?”

With that, Kendall ran upstairs to check on Sarah.

Silence.

I waited a few seconds and called up, “Did she potty?”

No response, so I got up from the couch to check and there was Kendall at the top of the stairs throwing a comforter, sheets, and mattress protector rolled into a ball over the railing. I caught them and by that time David had jumped up and took them from my hands and headed downstairs to put them in the wash.

Kendall showered Sarah and I made a fresh bed only to discover her pillows were soaked with urine, so I race downstairs to the basement searching for old pillows for her to use.

This is not how I planned to spend my time before bed.

Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans.

This morning David was on a call but texted me that he could hear that the washer was unbalanced. As soon as I walked into the laundry area, I was hit with a terrible smell.

Wow, she really had strong urine last night, I thought as I fixed the wash load. (We had to do a couple of loads due to her comforter, sheets, pillows, etc.)

David later put the wash in the dryer.

Tonight, Kendall and I went for a walk and when I came back inside David called me downstairs. His tone didn’t sound good. As I headed downstairs, David called me into the laundry area and pointed to the dryer. The dryer door was open, and it was covered…. COVERED in poop.  Inside the drum was worse.

“Sarah must have pooped in her bed, too.”

After pulling out the sheets from the dryer and finding balls of poop, yes, I concur that is exactly what happened! So gross!!

Needless to say, bleach and disinfectant were heavily used as I scrubbed and wiped. I disinfected seams and ridges and every little hole of the dryer vents. I can honestly say I have never stuck my head into my dryer drum before tonight.

This is not how I planned to spend my evening.

Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans.

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At Christmas time as we drove to Florida, David and I discussed the upcoming year with Sarah. Jack would be leaving for college out of state in August, Kendall will be back at college, Jim recently got an electrician’s job and was working full time…what are we going to do with Sarah? Who would be home to get her off her bus? What do we do on the days she has no school or half days? David is working or traveling and is not always available. Also, as you know from my last blog, Sarah’s behaviors have been only getting worse. This past school year has been so challenging. We are not sure if it is the new adult program, new responsibilities, new teacher, etc., but she has been really struggling. This past school year is in the ‘Top 3’ of the worst years behaviorally (Not a list you want to experience!). She is demanding more attention for her care. (We are looking at group homes but that is still another 8-10 years out.) I spoke to my bosses about my situation with Sarah a few times and asked them to join me in prayer. Then the COVID-19 quarantine happened, and I am handling her on-line education (The teacher emails work each day for her to complete). We continued to pray, and it came down to the fact that right now in this point of our Sarah journey, she needs more of me. Balancing work, Sarah’s care, and Sarah’s schooling was getting too much. I was struggling as I didn’t have the margin or energy to give her what she needs, so I decided to step back from work and focus on her.

Not what I had planned.

Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans.

I have heard the illustration/poem before that our lives are like a tapestry and God is the Master Weaver. From the underside of the fabric things just do not make sense. Splashes of color and changing of threads make for a muddled abstract design, but once you see the other side, you see the beautiful pattern that was created. There is purpose and a point. There is beauty, dimension, and depth created from disappointments, sorrows, and changes of plans when mixed with joy, laughter, and happiness.

Yes, Sarah just has a way of having me change my plans, but I am grateful and trust the One who holds the threads of my life.

 

Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.

 

Thank you for your continued prayers! What a journey!!